Naps during the day sometimes give you the most vivid dreams. The textures, the colors- conversations you can remember.
You see- the disorientation causes by sleeping mid day- the light- or darkening world outside. The strange time- odd noises in the house.
I dreamt of my dad. He was there, again. Working. He's always working. And hard at that. His big smile, big gentle laugh.
I know he died- but he's still my father. His mark on my like is indelible. His joy, his persistence, his love for me and my family.
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And the Lord God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." (Genesis 3:22 NIV)
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Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25, 26 NIV)
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There are many things I don't understand about God. So many concepts I struggle with. There was a second part to my dream. I won't go too much into it- but relationships don't exactly last.
We inflict so much pain upon ourselves. And then we struggle with that pain. That first verse was in my reading today. 'The Fall' of man into sin. One of the focal points of all of history.
Why is it... that we can sin? Why is there suffering? I know in my life I have made many mistakes. Some worse than others and some of the hurts haunt me even now. My heartaches with regret, loss. I would undo, go back- maybe somehow change. And yet God pushes us forward. Pushes me forward, no redoes, no going back. I always read that verse, the first one.,, it makes me upset with God, Adam, Eve. Why?
God seems so... heartless. So hard, so cold. I never understood it. I could never... connect the dots. From the God of John 3:16 who "So loved the world..." to the one who kicked him out of the garden. The one whose 'wrath' destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.
I'm not sure I have it all clear even as yet; but I think I may have a... clue.
Since my father's death; the story of Lazarus resonates in my heart. The first time I heard in a sermon, I wept for hours. How could a God that claims to love me take the best, most kind, most needed, man I know. My father, so generous, so loving, so intelligent, gentle. I could go on. And yet, my dad died. God let him die.
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Jesus wept. (John 11:35 NIV)
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God wept for Lazarus, his friend. He wept for my father. He wept for us. That's the thing. He pushes us forward, because we have become 'like him.' We weep, suffer, feel emotion. We also love. We can bring joy. Pain. We know good, and evil.
It is like a child born into the world, leaving the safety of the womb- to fully participate- it must endure life. We must endure that life as well.
I think in a sense- we all choose to know. I know in Adam's place I would want... to be like God; as odd as that sounds. God... Knew that. There are plenty of verses essentially saying God was ready with Jesus from the beginning. The Old Testament is full of foreshadowing prophecies of Jesus.
From the beginning- we as humanity were created in God's image. And we were given a choice. Good or Evil. We're given an opportunity to live out those- all of us.
It is as Jesus said about Lazarus.
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So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." (John 11:14, 15 NIV)
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For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16 NIV)
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